I bumped into David as he strolled around the Walled Garden at Shenley Park in Hertfordshire. Humming a tune to himself initially, David then made a vain attempt to break into full song and fill the amphitheatre with a dreaded wail. After an ear-piercingly terrible performance, David grinned cheekily and kicked his shoes through the damp grass.
Hello David, thank you for joining me for a chinwag today.
Thank you Tara for the invite.
I always start my interviews with a lovely easy question David, just to make you feel comfortable, so here goes...
1. What has been found to be special about the star BPM 37093 in Centaurus?
Ah, so you have cheated David. You found your half-answer through Google. Maybe, with a little more research, via Google, you would have found that the special quality of this star is that the interior is a diamond with a diameter of more than 4000 kilometers. This is possibly the way to a woman's heart.
Happy to say that the 5* reviews keep coming in, now 215 across Amazon.
When I was living in Portugal I decided to write about what happened in Spain. I wrote a couple of chapters and my friend and editor read what I had wrote and suggested that I should write a book about the events.
You have a very good friend there.
Yes I do, firstly it's so difficult as an unknown author and first time writer, to obtain a publisher. Also self-publishing gives you the freedom to market your own books, which I love doing.
Having read your second book, My Way, it certainly taught me a thing or two. Your obvious knowledge and enjoyment of marketing your product successfully, is apparent throughout the book. Well done David!
I have just finished writing another non fiction story but at the moment I am continuing to market and promote Wrong Place Wrong Time and hopefully one day will see the story on the screen. That is my main aim at the moment. I have had so many reviews suggesting that the story should be a movie, so that is what my immediate plans involve.
Ooh... I can just see it now David...
Congratulations David! I'm sure that you will have so much fun as a grandad - no holds barred!
I'd stick to the bad singing and dancing if I were you, David!
Anyway, on to the next question...
6. What annoys you the most?
Hmm... sounds pretty negative to me.
On a serious note, I understand why it might annoy you David. We all have choices in life and can decide whether to face every challenge positively or wallow in negativity.
7. Describe yourself in ten words only.
Friendly, dreamer, confused, funny, not as confident as people think!
Hmm... I think you may have cheated here again, David, but here's an image that springs to mind, from your words.
A tactile weekend with a girlfriend in a European city.
Ooh la la!
Love football, like playing tennis and table tennis, do not like golf!
Ah yes, well I can see why you hate golf so much David.
The cast from Ghostbusters!
Hmm, self-explanatory I guess.
As drunkenly as possible!
Thanks for that david, I'm sure that I will be taking your advice when it comes to my turn.
12. Why are there no 'B' batteries?
Why are there two “t’s”...
Hmm... you haven't exactly answered my question David and I'm afraid to say that I feel somewhat disappointed, as this was my most important question of the whole interview. Surely it is not best practise to answer a question with a question?
Tara, it has been a pleasure to answer these great questions, and sorry for the delay.
I should jolly well think so Mr Perlmutter, you've obviously been far too busy with film producers and directors, in Hollywood... maybe I'll forgive you... maybe I won't... mwahaha...
Should your blockbuster movie, Wrong Place Wrong Time, require any singers or dancers, please do not offer your services as I have now been subjected to your type of dancing, as well as your singing!