Author of a mere seven novels, one novella and a book of short stories, Terry has made great strides in her internationally self-published career and has a huge following of readers and fans.
I bumped in to Terry in an undisclosed part of North East England. Thankfully, she was able to spare me some precious time from her busy writing schedule, to have a quick chat.
It’s lovely to meet you Terry and thank you for letting me join you today for a little chinwag.
Thank you, Tara, it’s very good of you to invite me!
Terry then proceeds to tell me her thoughts about us producing a successful interview... She requests that I don't ask her certain questions such as 'what inspired you to become a writer' and various other ones, as she's answered them so many times before and she fears that the readers might fall into boredom-induced-coma after reading her answers...
Which Mr Bean videos does she mean, I wonder?
I don't like to ask but I am puzzling over whether she means the cartoon versions or real ones, like this one...
Or does Terry mean that she doesn't like the cartoon versions of Mr Bean, like this one...
So, on with the interview then.
As always, I’ll start the interview off with an easy question but you’re luckier than most people Terry, as I have given you a multiple choice question.
1. What is the number phi equal to and could you explain the reasoning behind your choice?
a) sqrt(2)*pi/2 = 2.2214...
b) (e^2-1)/4 = 1.5972...
c) (1+sqrt(5))/2 = 1.6180...
d) e^pi = 23.1407...
c) , because it’s the right answer.
I'm impressed Terry, you have obviously been doing your research in to Euler's totient and have earnt yourself a gold star of excellence. Well done!
However, I do feel that you could have explained your reasoning a bit better though. So, although you got the right answer, I am also going to give you this...
For Terry's readers who do like Mr Bean, click here but please do not tell Terry - shush!
Cough, cough... So, on with question 2.
I think Kings and Queens, because it was my most ambitious project, and it’s the first step in the way I feel my novels will be moving, ie towards the more complex drama spanning a longer period of time. Because it’s a modern day reflection of a historical period in time (ie, the reign of Henry VIII), it’s a step towards the historical fiction I intend to start writing soon, too – it’s got me used to doing research.
I haven't read it yet but I'm eager to do so. I'm obsessed with our old Henry and the Tudors... in fact, I'm mad about anything remotely historical.
No to the second part, because there aren’t any vowels.
My books are:
You Wish, Nobody’s Fault, The Other Side, Dream On, Full Circle, What It Takes, Nine Lives, Kings and Queens, Round and Round.
Oh come now Terry... surely a woman who is able to write such fine prose as yourself, could have thought up one or two words.
Fry, try, dry, wry.
It varies. From none (very occasionally) to hours and hours. Sorry, that tells you absolutely nothing, does it??!! It’s just that there isn’t a set amount of time.
So basically, it's all or nothing then Terry.
A quick four mile jog around the block, incorporating a frenzied sexual encounter in the bushes with the first local council employee (emptying bins/repairing road, etc) I happen to meet on the way. Back for freshly ground coffee and I’m good to go.
Yes, someone once asked me if I would tattoo one of my short stories onto his right thigh. I complied, of course. Took ages. Will suggest a haiku next time.
Ah yes, a lovely little 7-5-7 haiku poem would have been so much better. Obviously, your short story is on the other leg?
I can think of many, but I imagine you want well-known people. Let’s start with Michael McIntyre and 3 cast members from The Only Way Is Essex. I’d have either fallen asleep or set fire to one of them or myself before the main course, I am sure.
I can cook well enough to get by, but I’m not very interested in it. I like fish and vegetables best. I appreciate wonderful food but am not prepared to spend hours making something that I’ll eat in ten minutes.
Tuna Mayonnaise. I don’t like them much, though. Give me godawful heartburn.
Hmm... is that because you are trying to eat them too quickly Terry?
I don’t take showers, I get clean by wallowing in a tub of clay with special cleansing properties that I have flown over from the Amazon jungle on a weekly basis. I sometimes amuse myself with a little medley of Rick Astley’s greatest hits while #amwallowing, though, it is true. Never gonna give that up.
Hmm... I am really beginning to build a clear picture of who you really are Terry. I am sure your readers will be too...
The banal, the ill-informed and the humourless, especially when propagated by the vociferous, either in real life or on the internet.
Hmm... I'm guessing that you would not want a video clip such as this one on your chinwag interview then.
Ok, thanks for that little piece of info Terry. Obviously, if your readers want to find out more about your bad habits, they should click on the image below.
Apologies if the link isn't working properly, due to technical difficulties.
Rolling Stone, I think.
Anne Boleyn. I’d love to know what she was really like.
Good choice. She would certainly be in my list of people to bring back. I would love to know what she really thought of Henry.
I don’t know all their names. Is there one called Snarky?
No, sadly there isn't one called Snarky but I'm sure that we could probably get rid of one of the others - after all, they are a bit dated now. Also, for future reference, I have listed their names in order, as they appear in the picture below:
Doc, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Bashful and Dopey.
Unlimited money. Because then you could make all your other wishes come true, as well.
Ah, loadsamoney - just like Harry Enfield then. Oh no, please don't tell me you dislike him too...
Clever observational humour. And South Park. Which is clever observational humour, really.
Never watched it myself.
People sticking lighted matches under my toenails.
Now that is going to make your eyes smart!
I’ve never read either of them, I’m afraid.
Ah, well maybe you should try them out.
Definitely winter. I love this time of year, when the leaves start coming down. I hate being hot. And I love boots and my suede jacket with the big furry collar.
Ah yes, I have seen you out and about, wrapped up in your furry collar...
I don’t know, I don’t think about that sort of thing much. I’m not really into Christmas. I think my sister bought me a rather nice scarf the other year. Ah – probably the laptop on which I am currently writing, without which I’d be thumping away on my old computer.
Both. I love all vegetables. Yummy yummy yummy.
As you obviously love your veggies Terry, I've pieced together a little veggie montage for you...
Gestalt. Zeitgeist. Ersatz. Behoove. Happenstance. I do like to get at least one in per novel. ‘Behoove’ has been a problem as I have never written a character from either the Deep South or the 18th century.
Hmm... very interesting words Terry. I detect a German theme going on here.
I find it impossible to pick just one. I enjoy writing all my characters; if I don't, they're not working. I enjoy them all for different reasons. I will say that I do especially like writing the characters I can have fun making as ghastly as possible - the awful, humourless indie author Harriet in Full Circle, selfish and weight-obsessed Sarah in You Wish, completely bonkers 'artiste' Glynis in Dream On, oily snake Chris in Round and Round. Then there are the ones I fall in love with, of course....!
Sounds like you write a great character portrayal Terry. So much so that your characters almost come to life, right off the page...
25. Apparently, nothing sticks to Teflon, so what makes Teflon stick to the pan?
A chemical process about which I know nothing. I just accept that it is so.
Well, just for your information (should you need to know in the future), is a strong, tough, waxy, nonflammable synthetic produced by the polymerization of tetrafluoroethylene.
PTFE is distinguished by its slippery surface, high , and resistance to attack by almost all chemicals. These properties have made it familiar to consumers as the coating on nonstick cookware.
So enjoy whipping up those wonderful stir-fry vegetable dishes!
Thank you, Tara! I hope I have not been too disappointing a guest. Now, it’s time to write, and I’ve just seen a rather fetching roadsweeper outside, so I must fly!
Ah yes, I see that he has parked his truck in your front garden Terry...
You can also find Terry on Twitter here (although I'm not sure that I will be able to find her anymore as she will no doubt block me after this interview). Bring on those 1* reviews...